A dialogue about a recent post

The actual post is this:

“It may be socially correct to lie, fake and display what you aren´t, but “living” like this, is the perfect method to deny and kill yourself slowly and sure.”

Richard says:

“How about that: maybe people want to get killed. So what?”

Me:

Well, you see that´s the real issue with not few people – behind this unconscious morbid wish to not really wanna live, is the urge to destroy… – yourself, the people around you, ultimate the planet.

Of course, no one would ever admit they want to die, but it is quite obvious though, that many are not interested really in Living.

I have meditated on this for very long. I have no real answers, apart from my eager wish to get a coherent picture. For sure, it is very hard to decipher this insidious “truth” behind this obscure desire to die, as no one kind of is interested to see things from this perspective and engage in a serious discussion. It is indeed a very uncomfortable topic.

Anyhow, I kind of suspect that somehow humanity longs for its destruction “conscious-unconsciously” – the ego wants ultimately to dissolve itself through apocalyptic disruption – and if too many are in this situation, feeling unspeakable despair, self-contempt and disrespect for themselves and life, we will all be part of this collective nightmare.

The mirrorless Self

In my last post I wrote this :

“It is a hard task for me to put in words what THE SOUL WHISPERS  but my reason doesn´t fully understand.”

It means that there is some kind of inner authority within myself, whose voice I sometimes hear, and from which I learn.

As it were, I don´t hear it when I am restless, agitated or too keen to hear it.

What is this “too keen to hear, to have or be something?” As I can clearly see it, it means that if I want something badly, I will only get the reverse of my wish. The stronger the wish, the greater the distance between me and the “wished-for” reality, or experience.

 If I was to be asked what is the most important thing in life, I would answer undoubtedly: meaningful relations.

Yes, one of my greatest priorities in life is people, encounters, dialogue. To be in the company of open, intelligent, spiritually generous, unbiased persons, is a blessing.

I have to confess, that this is exactly the thing Life has refused me along the years. Such a painful paradox: the more I looked for contact and vivid connection with others, the more distance I created and the more lonely I became.

God, how I suffered because of this…Especially knowing that I have a lot to give, being always genuinely interested to understand “the other”, trying to create nearness and confidence.
I would instead attract all kind of callous, vain, vindictive cowards, who misused my interest and attention, taking without giving something back.

You could meet these persons once, to realize that next time you saw them, they would pretend they don´t know you.

So what was the lesson the Universe was so harshly teaching me?

Reaching the point of utter despair, I became aware of this hardly digestible truth:

FORGET THE OTHERS, DON´T SEARCH FOR PEOPLE, DON´T TRY TO MAKE FRIENDS, JUST LOOK INSIDE, AND ESTABLISH THE RIGHT CONTACT WITH YOUR SELF !

This raises a very essential and vital question:

HOW CAN YOU FIND YOURSELF WITHOUT A MIRROR? IS SELF A MIRROR OR IS IT MIRROR-LESS?

I wouldn´t dream of wasting time with unfruitful ruminating. It is clear that contact with Self, is contact with everything! It appears that only Self is Reality, both mirror and mirror-less.

I was forced to understand this hard lesson of turning to mySelf, to the most important authority within: the connection with this timeless inner Voice.

I still fall into the trap of looking outside for company, being the victim of my own sorrow that not more people are interested to communicate.

Yesterday I went to my usual cafe, feeling again that well-known state of despondency. I opened my blog, reading and learning from my last post and SUDDENLY, I was seized with peace and ease. I was again feeling alive and satisfied,
It was weird and confusing to observe how people around got curious and noticed my presence out of the blue, while I was totally uninterested of what was going on around me.

To conclude.

The only real authority to be trusted is contact with the Inner Voice. Contact with Self heals us from sadness, craving and false dependence. Hence, Desire is the best sign we are out of touch with this nameless Center within.

Desire – that is, too big the passion – without connection with Self  is unspeakable pain, wretchedness.

Our desires have a chance to come true only when we are in touch with the Center of our being. Contact with Self is the soothing caress of Happiness, and the connection with it heals and opens the right doors.

Happiness without craving is the only authority to be trusted.