What is depression ultimately?

This is a longer post. But whoever is interested to delve into this huge
subject matter – Depression – will find this highly enlightening.

I think for me, depression is largely a misunderstanding. Misunderstanding of my position in the world at large, so to speak. For me, my depression, at least at its root causes has been a fundamental misunderstanding about the universe in which I thought for some reason I was somehow supposed to know, with 100% absolute certainty, what I was to do in the world. I asked myself terribly difficult questions, big questions, that I expected myself to be able to answer – questions like “Why am I here?” This was all at very young age, or at least started when I was quite young. But I took them quite seriously, I was expecting and expected to know the unknowable. That is, quite frankly, the cause of my depression – at least that is how I have come to understand it.

The non-life you speak of is a result of this gross misunderstanding about the nature of life (I am not sure if these are the most accurate words). As in, I experience non-aliveness because of my misunderstanding or misinterpretation of what is knowable as a fact versus what I must just live out, experience or take action in order to sort of “find out.” I am not sure if this is making sense nor am I sure if I am expressing exactly what I want to say so I will leave you with that for now.

I “hear” your words here, but also try to reach “beyond” them too…trying to figure out what you say without (mis)interpreting you.

Indeed – this is a very different outlook: depression is for you some kind of ontological misuderstanding…interesting – I have to admit.

Let´s analyze what you say here and see what you really are saying:”For me, my depression, at least at its root causes has been a fundamental misunderstanding about the universe in which I thought for some reason I was somehow supposed to know, with 100% absolute certainty, what I was to do in the world. I asked myself terribly difficult questions, big questions, that I expected myself to be able to answer – questions like “Why am I here?”…

What strikes me here is that according to your surmise, Depression derives from your “inability” to “know”. That being said, the natural question is:

  • What is “knowing” or knowledge ultimately?

  • Can we split reality into Knowing and Un-knowing?

  • Who knows and who knows not?…

That being said, can one know anything with 100% absolute certainty??….Especially when this “knowing” refers to “doing” something?…

  • Who is this entity within you who wants to know, and expects you “to know”…?

  • What do you want to know? And above all, WHY?….

Follow me on this please:

Can you see that Knowing or Knowledge means separation? That is, the Distance between “the Knower” and “the Known”.

If there was no gap between What is – You – and what it is supposed to be – Knowledge – would you need “to know” anything?…No…because if you were “whole”, you would know because you simply know, not because you expect or try to know…

What I hear subsequently, is that you have been attempting to understand what Cleavage – or Separation, or for that matter, Isolation – is about.

When you love and feel loved, you just simply know the Why-s of existence.

Meaning that when you say “Why am I here” is in fact, “Why am I not here” or
“Why am I not to love and to be loved??”… With other words, since early age, you saw instinctively the state of the present world, namely, that you were here, but not allowed to be What You Really Are: WHOLE.

No one has shown you anything but Separation from yourself, yet no one could tell you about this, as they are all separated, everybody suffers from this disease…

So again, you were trying to reach “the un-knowable”, that is, to find out WHAT HUMANS REFUSE TO SEE, NAMELY – SEPARATION!

What is knowable as a fact and what you just must live out, seem to be different things but this is pure delusion. What is knowable – or what should be knowable and what must be lived out, IS IN FACT THE SAME THING, but we don´t recognize it as such.

There is no action required from you “to know” or find out, as YOU KNOW WHAT LIFE IS ABOUT, because you are alive.


You are what you are, there is no distance to What is and You, – just embrace and accept the pain you see in yourself and in the world, knowing that you are here to heal this pain!!


Depression is ultimately Absence of Life

  • Im – pression

  • Ex – pression

  • De – pression

Have you ever thought about this? Probably not…

Pression, meaning Energy. Force.

Impression: “pression inside”, to take in something.
Expression:  “pression outside”, to put out what you have inside of you, taking in and relating to something.
Depression then? Well, depression is neither taking in, nor giving out.

Depression is with other words, absence of both impression and expression.

Can you see that Depression is Absence of Emotion, absence of relation, ultimately,
non-living – ABSENCE OF LIFE?


A letter to a friend

These questions arise within me:

I know it sounds strange: do we secretly choose to be depressed? Have we chosen depression in order to escape something we don´t want to see…?

It strikes me somehow that depression is an unconscious “choice”. Something in me, kind of has identified with this role of being depressed, and that mechanism is going on irrespective of my conscious will and regularly takes control of “me”.

What are we fleeing from…? How real is depression…? Does depression stem somehow from a “wrong” comprehension of a certain moment in our life…? It is quite obvious, depression is fear basically, but how real is Fear?

Is fear in close liaison with illusion? Can it be so that when you drop illusion, depression vanishes as well…?

I was amazed to see that in those moments of great inner freedom I experienced the other day, there was no trace of depression. Illusion had vanished so did depression…

I realized with awe that my deepest inner space is untouched by all these “clouds”, that every single time I get in touch with this inner untainted reality, depression is not even a distant memory. Deep down in my soul depression doesn´t exist.

A letter to Paul about depression

What is depression at the end of the day? Why do we get depressed? Who is depressed really? You, me, or the world in general?

You see, these may seem superfluous questions, but they are not.

What kind of world do we live in when a 21-years-old youngster has – as you state – serious depression and is on heavy medication?

Whose crisis are we speaking about here…? Mine, yours, or the crisis of this age, which has turned its back to real Life and lives on total false and insane premises? You, me, each one of us is like a quote of this general present world illness, and that is the real issue we have to confront.

We are not feeling well, and we can say that it is each and everyone´s responsibility to heal and recover. But how can we recover when the world around us is utterly diseased? Suppose you are “healed”, but then you go out in the world and get sick again.

Do you realize that when taking medication to feel better, you try unconsciously to “mend” the world around you…?

What is the purpose of medication really…? What is medication trying to compensate?…Can medication substitute our lost humanity, our loss of love, meaning and direction…?

I never thought about this in this way, but it strikes me that Depression is ultimately Un-lived Life. When we don´t live we become ill – it may seem like an oversimplifying truth but so it is.

The world – as it is just now – , doesn´t live, and what is worse, it doesn´t allow none of us to live, it has consciously or unconsciously declared war to life, to natural law and real sentiment. We have undone ourselves. The world lives in a veiled state of collective suicide.

Everybody knows this, and yet we escape this predicament in every thinkable way.

There is nowhere you can turn for a mouthful of “fresh and real” life. And our soul, as it finds no way of expressing itself through natural living, becomes ill. This inner illness takes many manifestations. It is enough to look around with unbiased eyes att the increasing number of neurosis and uncommon diseases around.

Indeed I have this blatant feeling as I write now – THERE IS NOWHERE TO GO, everything is fucked up. Nothing real to do, other than partaking in a twisted idiotic farce, wherever you turn – be it Europe, America, Asia or whatever.

As it appears to me right now, the only valuable thing is to try to confront this horrid and insidious reality, engage in a serious and honest dialogue about this, trying to unfold all these layers of Fear Illusion and Delusion, which have brought us to the most disgusting existential drama ever fancied.