Letter to Melanie

Even someone being 15-year-old is already “too old” in this infantile world of ours. It´s a fact, most of the people stop growing mentally and stagnate intellectually when they are about 12-13. Growing up and maturing is somehow against the laws and expectations of society …so most of them already die when 17, but buried when they are 80…it´s tragic or incredibly comic.

So, yes, unfortunately those “special” encounters with those persons – “you can see in their eyes that they have an idea about life and also that they kind of know who you are and that they understand you somehow” – are  rather seldom.

As you know, most people want it “the easy way” – whatever transcends this easy – way attitude, scares them. Alas, how many times haven´t I heard “oh, why are you so difficult and hard to please?”
I´ll tell you what : I saw a picture of myself in Romania when I was  2, and already then I was “too old” =)) God in heaven , I had the glance of a visionary, very grave, as if  I already knew everything.

You say : “at the moment I´m really searching for myself, inventing myself again and I´m on a good way”
But think it over – do you think Self can be searched for?
Who is looking for what here?…

You are already the person you are looking for – but you don´t seem to know that yet 🙂
When we search for and try reinventing ourselves is not Self we are looking for, but the illusion of a Self, the ego 🙂

Searching presupposes the idea of acquisition – the effort to acquire, generates struggle and isolation, but you see…
You are not a sum of qualities, something to hope for, as they wrongly tought you 🙂